Are you ‘Too Nice’ ?
Some people might wonder if it’s possible to be ‘too nice’. Well, here are a few questions to consider:
- Do you find yourself saying “yes” when you want to say “no” because of guilt or other uncomfortable feelings?
- Are there often times when you don’t say what you are feeling because you’re uncomfortable with conflict?
- Do you put so much time and energy into the wants and needs of others that your own wants & needs get neglected?
- Are you more concerned with what others think of you than what you think of yourself?
- Do you become upset when someone disagrees or is angry with you?
If you answered “yes” to some or all of the above questions, there’s a good chance that you are nicer to others than you are to yourself – and that may be keeping you from being happy. A recovering ‘nice guy’ myself, I know what it can be like. I spent many years trying to keep all the people in my life happy. As a result, I became stressed and angry, I didn’t get what I wanted very often, and I even had some trouble with being honest. The end result wasn’t ‘nice’ for anyone, and it didn’t help me to be happy or to have the kind of relationships I wanted.
You may worry about being liked by others or feel that you aren’t good enough as you are – so you focus on making others happy as a way to make friends and be accepted. While it works well at times, there’s a long-term price to pay – I’m guessing that you have come to feel overwhelmed and taken advantage of. Or, perhaps you’ve had the experience of your anger and resentment boiling over, much to everyone’s surprise and distress. Maybe you’ve even walked away from a job or a relationship because you were extremely frustrated or angry, but too afraid to talk openly and honestly about your feelings, wants, and needs.
If this sounds like you, I’d like to help. In our work together, you can learn how to ask for what you want, how to say “no”, how to risk (and survive) rejection and conflict, and how to say what you really feel while still being respectful of the wants and needs of the other people in your life. As you learn to stand up for yourself, you’ll find that you can still be nice without having to sacrifice yourself. You’ll not only be happier, but you’ll experience an increase in respect – both the respect you have for yourself and the respect you receive from others.